Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Second Thoughts...

I found myself writing too damn much on facebook lately about things I've been passionate about, and I feel myself hitting those boundaries of hypocrisy that I don't like, especially as I've been pretty exhausted a lot lately and I know my mind is getting really hazy. To that point I've found myself with the other problem that I just don't find myself able to write, or at least I'll write up a massive diatribe of something then delete it five seconds later.

I think the problem stems that lately I feel like I'm the only one listening to my voice, and it disheartens me. I post something up on Facebook and I get a couple of 'likes' but no feedback, my latest Book Was Better episode got as close to no feedback or discussion to seem relevant and most of it was about how excited the upcoming one was. I've been busting my ass on trying to make an interesting podcast and talk with some truly awesome people, but I feel stymied by the overwhelming feeling that nobody will listen to it regardless of how much I push it... which is ultimately incredibly disheartening as I want it to be a stepping stone to my documentary. I don't even want to publish this entry itself as I hate feeling so damn self pitying... but it is a concern.

Being once again kicked in the balls by a viral infection doesn't help matters, and my energy feels so incredibly low at the moment that any enthusiasm just seems to escape me. Hell I tried to load up a game on Steam yesterday and I just didn't want to play any of the hundred or so bloody things, not even some of my favourites. So I'm stuck in a rut playing Minecraft listening to podcasts, just repeating the same old pattern and I'm just not feeling the inspiration flowing like it was a couple of weeks ago... true a lot of that inspiration got beaten out of my from sheer exhaustion over the last week or so, but I hate being in this mindset.

TL:DR ... oh fuck it.

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