As I was driving home today from doing to some prop shopping
with Jon, I realised that I don’t think I’ve ever truly mastered anything in my
life but I have accumulated a lot of different skills in my lifetime. This
honestly has gotten me thinking of late because I’ve somehow acquired a
reputation of being a somewhat competent prop builder, without any kind of
boasting or publicity on my part, and it sometimes feels like I’m living a lie.
I do enjoy building stuff but I am nowhere near capable of building some of the
things I’ve seen others build, especially in the time and budgets people do
things in, however I think my strength comes in final looks to a degree (give
me some pre-build props or kits and I’ll make build it and hopefully make it
look good). That being said I’m trying to learn a whole load of different
things, but I think I’ll always be a student in these regards.
When I went back to uni it was never to get a degree, that
was never my intention from the start; probably because deep down I know degrees
and certificates are worth less than the paper they are printed on. This was
probably a bad thing as all I wanted to do was learn new things and gain new
skills for my mental tool belt. As such sometimes Uni became aggravating at times
because most, if not all, the theory classes are essentially the same bullshit,
or just become bogged down by doing things I’m completely useless at (3D modelling
is the bane of my existence). That being said, I’ve learned more things lately
outside of uni, especially as my interest as turn away from those studies to a
degree, and I’m finding out how to do things in my own way and at my own pace.
Still no matter how much I do some of this stuff I feel like such a hack,
especially when I get so many people wanting me to help them out with things...
which I of course try and do to the best of my ability.
That being said I’m happy to have this (admittedly
self-taught) capability of self-learning, and sometimes enjoy tackling new
projects which stretch my abilities and my scope. I supposed I’ve learnt a hell
of a lot, especially in the last 10 years... probably then in all of high
school at least, and it’s mostly self-taught. My mind has expanded a lot
recently as well, and I suppose that does come with a desire to use this
abilities. It’s probably why I find myself getting frustrated when I’m unable
to do certain things, like not having a job that allows me to use do things I
have experience in, or feeling stifled in situations where no one listens to me
(which has happened way too many times in my life, especially when it turns out
I was right). Damn it I keep trying to be positive in this post but the aggravations
keep surfacing.
So the TL:DR version is I’ve got a lot of skills in my head,
admittedly nothing as useful as plumbing or rocket surgery, and sometimes it
can be a little bit frustrated not putting them to use. I admit I use this blog
as a means of stretching the writing muscle, especially as I’ve been blocked
for a couple of years or so (which is great during essay writing time.. yeah
me!), I just need to get back into some more creative writing, or at least work
on some of the scripts I should do on to at some point.
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